The a-hole quotient


It appears that in life, no matter how chilled you try to be and how much you attempt to accept people for who they are, you can still encounter a-holes. And sometimes they’re in your bedroom.

I was chatting to a friend recently who’d just come out of a tumultuous relationship, which likely lasted longer than it should have. Within a few weeks of their initial meeting, a number of warning signs were apparent. But you know what it’s like in the beginning you’re prepared to forgive almost anything, because you’re often thinking with other parts of your anatomy and not your head.

In such circumstances I’d like to say that I’ve always stood my ground, and upheld my long-held, probably slightly over-the-top lofty, principles when it comes to new relationships, but I can’t.

In the first few weeks and months of a new coupling, I’ve been known to turn a blind eye to glaringly obvious issues such as massive age differences and a general lack of suitability on every single level full stop, to signs of chronic alcoholism and potential homosexuality. All because I thought I was in love or maybe just because I was lonely.

It’s obvious to me now that it was my clitoris that was doing the thinking back then. And it clearly was not used to thinking at all because its decision-making (if it was at all possible of doing such a thing) was utterly appalling. That can be the only reason that some of my ex-boyfriends were ex-boyfriends and not one night stands whom I should’ve quickly forgotten with the passage of time.

But one thing I can say, regardless of their long-term suitability, none of them were a-holes. They all were generally nice fellows who would make someone – male or female – a good husband, just not me. It appears I’ve always had a fairly good barometer when it comes to spotting an a-hole before getting into a relationship with them.  Thank the lord for small mercies.

Unfortunately others are not so lucky. I’ve heard stories from friends or just acquaintances – many with a rather beautiful ‘rescue gene’ which a-holes seem to prey on – about time squandered on people who at first seemed worthy of the effort but in the end were just a waste of time, space and energy. They definitely had an a-hole quotient.

Often they have excuses, many many excuses, for their bad behaviour which usually results in the innocent party being sucked into their a-hole vortex for longer than is ever advisable. They will also usually offer to change, even though they’ve been displaying the same narcissistic behaviours for decades with or without the help of a shrink.

Of course when one has the misfortune of being married to an a-hole then it becomes a whole lot harder to walk away, especially if there are kids involved.

Another friend and I were talking about this concept the other night and came to the conclusion that forgiveness is always a good idea but only when it’s warranted. But in life you also can come into contact with a-holes in the workplace that you have to put up with because that’s what professionals do. Even if they do display the attributes of being megalomaniac monsters bent on destruction because of their world-beating narcissism – or so I’ve heard.

And sometimes, unfortunately, your path crosses with an a-hole and there’s naught you can do about it but try very hard to not get sucked down into the depths of their despair.

And, if all else fails, it’s always a good idea in my opinion to shout “Go fuck yourself” as you walk out the door and into the light.


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